And now we see “The TV Interview on Treize Kushrenada”

    If you can follow this all, you think too much like me and I’d be worried!

    The Scene: A shaded room, woman sitting in the corner, voice disguised.

    The Play: The woman mutters,

    “He… he made me… get… rose petals for his bath water!” She begins to sob. “I was a colonel for god sakes! A colonel! And I had to pick… rose petals!!! He even made me go to remote villages and get him exotic face masks!” She begins to bawl uncontrollably. Somewhere an editor falls asleep and “Lady Une” flashes on the bottom of the screen…

    The Scene: Treize sits behind his desk all regal looking. Behind him, Zechs is leaning on the wall with his mask on.

    The Play:

    “Why the bubble baths, you ask? Well, I am very comfortable with my manhood.” In the background, Zechs leans his head to one side and begins to roll his eyes. (You see, this is the real reason for the mask. He kept rolling his eyes at Treize and it was bad public relations for OZ…)

    The Scene: Noin is leaning on her Taurus in a big general’s hat with a pipe hanging out of her mouth looking like she crawled out of 1945.

    The Play: “Yeah,” spits a loogie off to the right.

    “I know Treize. I could take him down with one hand tied behind my back! Man! The people we don’t have in control these days!”

    The Scene: Septum sits in a chair.

    The Play:

    “WHAT???” Sits for a moment thinking. “YEAH! I KNOW TREIZE! WHAT ABOUT HIM???” The man in the editing booth nearly jumps out of his skin from being yelled awake. Smacks the mute button and goes back to sleep.

    The Scene: Milardo, minus mask, sits at a darkened bar sipping on a martini. (Hey! He’s got to drink something besides Wild Turkey occasionally!)

    The Play:

    “You know, Treize always made me nervous. I think he was stalking me or something. He was always asking me to, ‘Take off your mask’ and stuff. I think there was more he wanted off of me than just my mask…”

    The Scene: Heero is working on the Wing Zero. All that can be seen is his spandex covered butt hanging out from an opening.

    The Play:

    “Treize confuses the heck out of me,” he mutters to the parts he is working on. “When I first turned on the Epyon, ‘Enya’ was blasting over the speakers and the cockpit smelled like… flowers of some sort.” From off camera Duo yells,

    “They were roses you pansy! How could you not realize that those were roses?” Heero jumps up with a large wrench in his hand.

    “How many times have I told you to shut up today?!? You wanna try me?” Goes flying after Duo… Scene fades to black.

    The Scene: Duo in a hospital bed.

    The Play:

    “Every time I got locked up in one of OZ’s prisons they were all dank and musty… I think it was the Une lady. She seemed to be the dominatrix type. I think the idea of having us all tied up turned her on…” He proceeds to pass out from the morphine drip.

    The Scene: Trowa and Quatre getting ready to be interviewed. They’re sitting next to each other with Trowa’s hand on Quatre’s knee. There are makeup people still walking around in the background because no one realizes the camera is on.

    The Play:

    “No we’re not gay! God! Why does everybody ask that?!?!”

    “Is it so wrong for one comrade to show his love for his other comrade?”

    “Trowa, shut up. You’re not making it any better.”

    The Scene: Trowa is standing in a large room leaning on a piano.

    The Play:

    “Treize keeps stealing my pants. I don’t know how. He just does. I mean, look. He wears white pants all the time and I only own white pants… It’s only logical.”

    The Scene: Quatre stands behind the kitchen counter looking very Martha Stewartish.

    The Play:

    “Treize is an amazing person!” he smiles. “Why, he taught me almost everything I know! Look at these cookies!” He brings up a tray of cookies from a shelf below. “See? We hand frosted each one!” Camera zooms in to see tiny scale cookies of the various Gundams all painstakingly detailed.

    The Scene: Wufei is sitting on a chair polishing his sword.

    The Play:

    “I—know—Treize—“ He emphasizes each word by running a cloth over the blade. “He beat me…” Looks up at the camera suddenly. “No! That’s not what I meant! He beat me sword fighting! Don’t misquote me on that!”

    The Scene: Back to Trowa and Quatre before the interview.

    The Play:

    “Why do you always reject me like this Quatre?”

    “Trowa! Drop it! You’re not making this any better!”

    Somewhere the editor begins to laugh evilly.

    The Scene: Dorothy’s eyebrow. Extreme close-up.

    The Play:

    “Excuse me! Excuse me!” the cameraman zooms out to show her whole face. “Thank you! You know, there’s more to me than my eyebrows!” She rolls her eyes. “I know Mr. Treize very well. Why, I have a whole photo album of memories!” Cameraman falls asleep and camera falls to floor. Dorothy bends over and jams photo album at camera…

    The Scene: Lady Une is still bawling.

    The Play:

    “I was a colonel! And he made me get him ROSE PETALS!!!”