Went to the mall today. I was rooting through the CDs when I glanced over and saw a cart filled with, amongst other things, Gundam Wing goodies! I blinked a few times and went, “Woo hoo! Whoever you’re getting those for has good taste!”

     The lady pushing the cart laughed and another lady by her turned around and goes,

     “What?”

     I smiled and said,

     “Gundam Wing! I’m somewhat of a nut. Good stuff!” The gal goes,

     “Oh. Hey, did I get the right stuff? They didn’t have much back there!” So today, I helped a lady pick out Gundam goodies. How many times do you get to say that in a day? Anyway! After hitting that store, I walked past a shoe store and saw some Jordans. The combination of Gundam goodies and celebrity-endorsed shoes made me come up with this… My commercial for Gundam Wing. * * * * * *

     First scene: A group of OZ soldiers are standing around in a field. They are surrounded by various mobile suits. The guy who appears to be in charge blows a whistle and everyone gets behind the line that has been painted on the ground. A Leo lights up yellow, like they tend to do, and starts to move around. It does a little jig and tries to impress everyone. The troops behind the line start to yell,

     “YOU SUCK!!!” The leader blows his whistle and the Leo stops moving. The cockpit door opens and a soldier climbs out.

     “Dude! You suck!” the crowd jeers. The leader points to a Taurus and the soldier climbs in. The leader blows the whistle again and the Taurus starts to move around. Again, the crowd starts to yelp.

     “COME ON! YOU BLOW AT THIS!!!” The leader blows his whistle and the Taurus stops. Again, the soldier climbs out to be greeted with,

     “Are there some playas around here? Cause there’s a whole lottta sucking going on!” The leader points to a Vayate. The soldier shrugs and climbs in. Now the Vayate starts to move around as though it’s fighting. The crowd starts to make gagging motions. The leader blows his whistle and the soldier climbs out. The crowd yelps,

     “You still suck a nut dude!” The leader points to the left.

     “Soldier, we’ve stolen this mobile suit just for you. It’s very top secret. Anybody catches you and we’re all goners.” The soldier nods and the suit to the left is unveiled to reveal that it’s the Deathscythe.

     “Ooooh!!!” the crowd gasps. The soldier grins and eagerly climbs into the cockpit. The instant it turns on, Linkin Park blasts from the speakers. The crowd covers it’s ears until the soldier stops vibrating long enough to turn down the volume. The leader blows the whistle; the Deathsycthe starts to move.

     “HOLY CARP DO YOU SUCK!!!” the crowd yells. (Yes! Carp!)

     Next scene: A battle in space. A whole line of Tauruses get blown up by the Deathscythe. Duo appears on screen jamming to Jay-Z and yelps,

     “For the last time! Who the hell stole my Return of the Rock II CD?!?!” The narrator comes on and says,

     “The suit may kick butt, but it really depends on the pilot. Gundam Wing Deathscythe: You still suck a nut unless you’re Duo Maxwell.” In the background, soldiers are yelping in terror as Duo commences blowing up stuff. Wufei is heard muttering,

     “Dude, you really don’t wanna screw with Duo and his CD collection.”

     “They took your Destiny’s Child CD too Wuchan!”

     “WHAT?!?! INJUSTICE! YOU MOTHE-“

     “Gundam Wing Shenlong: Even if you had the suit, you’d still suck like a Electrolux. You can try all you want, but you’ll never be Chang Wufei. ”