It was explained to me the other day what “1+2” and “3x4” and the like mean when written before fanfics. The whole theory got me thinking so I’d like to help us all consider what it’d be like if “non-traditional” pairings of pilots were to be left alone for lengths of time:

    Duo and Trowa: Duo instantly grabs Trowa by the hair and drags him into the bathroom insisting he needs a haircut. There sits poor Trowa with his hands over his eyes as Duo holds him down with one hand and massacres his hair with the other. A few minutes later Trowa looks up to see he’s now bald… Except for a few patches of hair here and there…

    Trowa and Wufei: Wufei walks into the room and begins laughing hysterically at Trowa’s new “look”.

    “You go in there and spend some time alone with Duo and let’s see if you don’t come out bald!!!” Wufei and Duo: Five minutes into the “session” Wufei is frantically scrubbing his hair in the sink screaming,

    “Duo! How did you get that much gum jammed into my hair that fast?!?!” while Duo is jumping around with the scissors saying,

    “You’re just making it worse Wu-man!” Wufei stands up, a mess of gum and soap suds, and screams, “And you have a better solution?!?!”

    Trowa and Wufei: Wufei walks into the room, defeated by the God of Death. Trowa begins laughing hysterically. Wufei smacks him and mumbles, “

    How does Heero get away from that boy with all his hair intact?”

    Wufei and Quatre: Quatre begins laughing,

    “You too?!?! What is this? A trend?” Wufei shoots him a look.

    “You try and get out of there with your hair intact, blonde boy!” Quatre shoots him a look.

    “Can I touch it?”

    “WHAT?!?!”

    “Just let me touch it!”

    “No!!!” Quatre gets a determined look and jumps Wufei and begins giving him nuggies.

    Quatre and Duo: Both pilots walk into the room with huge cardboard boxes.

    “What have you got?” Quatre asks, conspiratorially.

    “Let’s see…” Duo mumbles. “I have whip cream, maple syrup filled balloons, spit balls, and a whoopee cushion.” “Well!” Quatre says, looking into his box,

    “I brought cheese in a can, a Super Soaker filled with blue paint, and, of course, thirty cans of Silly String.”

    “Silly String bay-bee!!! You know Quatre, I like you!!!”

    Wufei and Quatre: Quatre walks back into room. Wufei begins to stutter,

    “How—how’d—how’d you do that?!?!” Quatre runs a hand through his hair and smiles triumphantly.

    Wufei and Heero: Five hours and a few bottles of “Wild Turkey” stolen from Millardo’s stash they begin to have a “Who’s screwed up more?” contest.

    Wufei: “I named my Gundam after my dead wife who I didn’t even like!”

    Heero: “Buuuurp. I seem to have a thing for screechy Relena.”

    Wufei: “I wrestled with Quatre and… he beat me!!!”

    Heero: “I wear spandex.”

    Wufei: “Buuuurp. You win!”

    Heero and Trowa: Five hours in and still not a word said.

    Heero and Quatre:

    “Duo tells me *you’re* the one who Silly Stringed the Zero.” Quatre, suddenly nervous,

    “Yeah… Well… He’s the one that put Vaseline in your spandex!”

    Heero, suddenly shifting uncomfortably, “Vaseline?” Twitches again. “Oh god… I have to go tell Duo to cancel our plans then!!!” Runs out of room rather awkwardly. (I apologize if you didn’t catch that joke, but for anyone who did…)