I was lying awake last night and it suddenly dawned on me that my mom calls me “Dorothy” for good reason. I bet we both would have a ton of things in common! Freaky, eh?

    Dorothy is seated in the middle of the bed painting her toenails. She’s wearing a cutoff pair of daisy dukes and one of those hoochie-momma shirts that seem to be so popular. She has another scene to film today in which she has to dress up and she doesn’t want to make a laughing-stock of herself like she did with that black number she wore when Relena came to the Romafellar Foundation…

    Besides that, she wants to get Heero’s attention.

    Ah! Sweet Heero! She has artbook pictures of him taped to the ceiling so that she can lie awake at night and stare at them…

    And that darn boring Relena is the one who always gets him!

    When her toenails are dry (they seem to dry faster than fingernails, I’ve noticed…) she puts on her cowboy boots and gets into her truck which has a large “3” plastered right in the middle of the back window and a little sticker of Calvin peeing on the number “24”. She begins flipping stations on the radio until “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy!” comes on and then cranks it up to compare to Duo’s Deathscythe sound system...

    She spends hours in the mall finding just the right dress to catch the Zero pilot’s eye. She goes and blows $400 on a pair of stilettos. She goes and gets her hair permed in a mop of spiral curls and gets it all chopped at chin length. She “lightly sprays” some fine perfume that has a random glob of French words written all over it…

    She then gets the piece de resistance and has her eyebrows waxed!

    She shows up on the “Gundam Wing” taping lot to hoots and hollers from Duo and Trowa while Wufei and Quatre begin asking who the new cast member is and Heero just stands there behind a table and begins to curse his spandex…

    Seeing such a reaction, Noin begins to ponder if such things would work on Zechs, who couldn’t take a hint if it was delivered with a steel baseball bat…

    Meanwhile, Relena glances over to see Heero staring at Dorothy with an odd… smirk… on his face. From nowhere she produces a large rolling pin and goes after him.

    Noin shrugs and gets into her HMMWV and speeds off to town in hopes that she too can attract a little “attention”.

    She comes back to the set a few hours later with her hair freshly cut to reveal that she does too have two eyes! She’s had it died chestnut brown and she’s actually wearing lipstick! Why… she even has a leopard print leather micro-mini on!

    Duo and Trowa are now carrying Dorothy around on a fancy palanquin when they see Noin walk in. They both drop Dorothy and come running to greet the second “new cast member” of the day.

    But Noin is on a mission and she struts over to Zechs’ makeup room and kicks open the door and grabs him by the hair (which is actually insured) and kisses him.

    He looks up at her blankly as Dorothy flutters over and tries to get the Gundam pilots’ attentions again.

    Given that Zechs still can’t take a hint, Noin slaps him across the face… Meanwhile, Heero stumbles over fresh from a Relena-induced concussion and begins drooling over her. Dorothy begins waving her hands trying to regain her role as the center of attention.

    When she fails, she slaps Noin.

    Seeing this, Relena slaps the both of them.

    Noin slaps Dorothy and drop-kicks Relena.

    Wufei makes a mad dash to get a camcorder and begins taping as Duo runs off to see if he can find some mud to start a full blown wrestling match. Trowa leans back and almost cracks a smile. (Today I heard Cartoon Network’s description of him: “Trowa Barton. Stoic to a fault.”) Quatre pulls out his wallet and begins waving fifty dollar bills in the air. Heero curses his spandex yet again and vows to buy a baggy shirt and pants…

    I haven’t seen “Endless Waltz” yet… Is this what it turns out to be, or is there a “Gundam W: Behind the Scenes Uncut” DVD out there that I need to buy?

    If not, I think somebody should put it together!