Ramble #1-Heero and Puberty

by Tsunami Goddess Routhier

    I’d think it’s safe to say that at least 99.9% of us will have to or have already had to go through puberty to get to adulthood, or more often and most likely, some stage of post-puberty. I’m certain that I do not have to go into the details of what this stage in life involves. You probably already have some shred of understanding. And if you don’t, I apologize, because you probably won’t understand the rest of this ramble…Now, I have been pondering this assessment about puberty for a few days (as I have other things to do, but am too lazy to tackle them) and have come to a standstill: Has Heero Yuy gone through puberty, or is he a .1%er who has somehow successfully surpassed it?

    Being too lazy to look up his age, I’ll guess that he has entered his post-puberty era based solely on the fact that if his voice cracked and dropped, we wouldn’t be able to fathom it with the human ear alone… Just imagine, if you will, the future pilot of the Wing Zero standing in an aisle of the colony’s equivalent of the corner Rite Aid (and in our town, there’s a Rite Aid on every corner). He is not in just any random aisle, he’s in the acne aisle (probably one of the more dreaded aisles, but by far not the worst). Yes, young Heero is out to buy some acne cream. He stands and ponders. “Should I buy Clearasil? Neutrogena? Noxzema?” In my opinion, I believe he would wind up purchasing various Oxy products. Yes, the slogan of “Oxycute ‘em!” is probably what would attract our young hero to the facial cleanser of his dreams…

    After selecting a small jar of little smelly round pads, he would head over to the magazine rack and paw sweaty-handed through the selection trying to appear as though he was looking at the gaming magazines, but truly eyeing the covers graced with scantly-clad models… Now one has to imagine on their own (because I certainly don’t want to be the one to bring it up…) an image of Dr. Jay pounding on the bathroom door yelling, “Heero! Are you all right in there?” (And again, I apologize for those of you who have no understanding of this comment… You’ll get it someday…) Of course, our little bathroom image must not have happened too very often, for I would assume to successfully pilot a Gundam, one would have to have excellent eyesight. (And of course, wearing spandex 24-7… Well, you finish that thought…)

    In any sense, I have been unable to come to conclusion. It’s very hard to see Heero tackling such age-oriented problems as a first dance, trying to make it into the “in” crowd, and standing in front of the class trying to give a speech while one’s voice is cracking and one is not behind the podium and one is looking at the object of one’s affection-of-the-week… So I shall leave it up to you: Is Heero Yuy a member of the 99.9% crowd, or is he an elite .1%er?