WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE

     (Gundam Wing Style)

By: Elly and The Gundam Wing Fan

     Quatre fidgeted nervously. The chair was kind of uncomfortable, and it was almost time.

     “Calm down Quatre, it’s a stupid game show!” Duo said. “An easy game show at that!”

     “Yeah, but all those charities are counting on me!” Quatre sighed. “It’s just so much pressure.”

     Duo folded his arms behind his head and sat back relaxed. “Ehh, don’t worry about it.”

     Heero leaned over menacingly. “Quatre, how did you convince me to come here?”

     “I thought it would be fun! And it would make so many people happy!”

     “How could any of this make anyone happy? This is so worthless.”

     “I agree!” Wufei snorted. “I could be training right now! Getting stronger with Nataku.”

     Quatre grinned, now more nervous than before. “You’ll learn a lot, I’m sure! It’s very educational!”

     “Why should anybody have to know the answers to those questions? Like I said, it’s worthless.” Heero repeated.

     “Maybe, but those million bucks sure won’t be!” Duo added. “Once I win that money, I’m off to the Bahamas with Hilde.” Everybody glared at him, exasperated.

     “You shouldn’t be too confident.” Trowa spoke up for the first time that night.

     “What? It’s a cinch! You nervous too, Trowa?”

     “I just don’t think it’s going to be as easy as you think.”

     Just then, Relena called from the audience. “Cool it guys! It’s starting now! Good luck Heero!” Heero cringed. Quatre shuffled in his seat again.

     Duo stuck his tongue out at Trowa, but Trowa didn’t seem to notice. Wufei sighed and buried his face in his hand. The annoying voice blared at an uncomfortable decibel. “Now it’s time for: Who wants to be a millionaire!!”

     “I can assure you, I don’t.” Muttered Wufei.

     The host, Regis marched out onto the stage and the crowd cheered excitedly.

     “It’s time to play: Who wants to be a millionaire!” Regis called. More applause.

     “Didn’t they already say that?” Whispered Duo to Quatre. Quatre was biting his nails apprehensively.

     “And now… let’s meet the contestants!” The crowd calmed down for the introductions.

     “Heero Yuy…” Heero wasn’t looking at the camera. He seemed entirely bored. In the background there was a shout of

     “You can do it Heero!”

     ‘I hope that gets edited…’ Heero thought.

     “Duo Maxwell…” Duo was smiling like a maniac and waving his arms around.

     “Trowa Barton…” Trowa’s eyes were closed and his arms folded.

     “Quatre Raberba Winner…” Quatre was waving in a slow mechanical way. There was sweat on his forehead, and he had a cheesy smile on his face.

     “And Wufei Chang!” Wufei glared at the camera angrily. He was grumbling, but nothing could be made out over the roar of the audience.

     “Are the contestants ready? Then let’s play: Who wants to be a millionaire!”

     “They said it again!” Duo commented to Quatre. Quatre looked like he might pass out.

     Regis explained the rules of the game, unnecessarily… everybody in the room knew how to play, audience included.

     “It’s time for quick fingers!” The gundam pilots eyed the screens in front of them.

     “Multiple choice?” Said Duo. “That’ll make it even easier!”

     “Hm.” Heero mumbled. “What primitive equipment.”

     “And here is the question!” Everybody’s attention was on Regis. “Put these famous musicians in the order they composed music, staring from longest ago to most recent.

     A. Robert Shumann

     B. Claude Debussy

     C. Ludwig van Beethoven

     D. Johann Sebastian Bach

     Good luck contestants.”

     All the pilots carefully punched in what they thought were the correct answers. Duo hurriedly chose four random letters, because he had no clue who the musicians even were!

     “We have our answers!” Regis announced. “The correct answers were, D. Bach, C. Beethoven, B. Debussy, and A. Shumann. A list of the pilots’ names appeared on a large monitor. Quatre, Trowa, and Duo’s names lit up in light blue, meaning they had put the selections in the right order. “And in the fastest time…” There was an uncomfortable silence. “Duo Maxwell! In 0.5 seconds! … 0.5 seconds? Wow!”

     “Woo hoo!” Duo jumped out of his seat and ran up stage. The other pilots looked perplexed.

     “How’d he get that?” Quatre said.

     “Welcome to: Who wants to be a millionaire, Duo!” Regis welcomed.

     ‘I can’t believe he said it again!’ Duo thought. He sat down on the big chair opposite Regis.

     “So tell us a little about yourself, Duo.” The host suggested.

     “Well,” Duo began. “I’m a gundam pilot. Saved the world… all that stuff.”

     “That’s amazing!”

     “Yep, I’m awesome.”

     “Are you ready for your first question?”

     “Of course! Bring it on!”

     “Alright… for $100, here is the first question of the night! What shape

     has three equal sides?

     A. A rhombus.

     B. A circle

     C. A triangle

     D. A square”

     Duo looked at his monitor warily. “Uhhhhh…” He heard Trowa sigh in the back. “It’s obvious, Duo.”

     “I know what I’m doing…” Duo taunted. “Hmmmm.”

     “You do have three life-lines, Duo!” Regis chuckled to himself.

     “I know that, I’ve just gotta give this a bit of thought, you know?”

     Regis’ smile changed to a frown. ‘On the first question? Where’d they find this guy?’

     “Okay… I’m gonna go with the 50/50.” Duo announced.

     “Alright!” Regis said slowly. “Computer, please eliminate two of the wrong answers, leaving the correct answer and a wrong answer.”

     Options A and D disappeared from the screen.

     “Hmmm. Circle or triangle… what kind of first question is this?! It’s supposed to start out easy!”

     Trowa coughed from the back again, hiding a laugh.

     “Geez! Quiet back there! I’m tryin’ to think!” Duo whined. Snickers could be heard throughout the audience. “Fine then, if you’re so smart!

     I’m gonna ask the audience.”

     “Alright audience…” Regis broke down laughing, and then composed himself. “Duo needs your help. Please pick up your keypad and press the answer you believe is right.” Regis giggled again, and Duo glared evilly.

     The results on the screen were:

     2% for B. Circle

     98% for C. Triangle

     Trowa looked back and saw Dorothy and Relena in the audience. “That explains that.” He commented. Dorothy and Relena waved like cheerleaders.

     “Well, Duo?” Regis said. “What’s the verdict?”

     “Hmmm… well, to be honest, I don’t think I trust those results!” The crowd exploded in laughter and Duo threatened them with his fist.

     “You do have one life-line left!” Regis reminded. Another outburst from the crowd.

     “Oh yeah! My phone call! I’d like to ask somebody I trust… unlike those wackos out there. Let’s call my girlfriend Hilde!”

     ‘I’m not going to be able to take this stupidity much longer.’ Trowa thought, on the verge of hysterical laughter. (it’s not easy to get Trowa that amused)

     “Alright, Duo. AT&T, would you please place a call to Hilde. We’ll see if she can help out here.” A counter with 60 seconds appeared on the big monitor.

     Duo looked out at the audience threateningly. There were still a few giggles.

     “Hello?” A voice came out over a large speaker in the ceiling. The time started counting down.

     “Hilde, I just had to call someone I could trust. I’m on: Who wants to be a millionaire, and I’m stuck on a question.”

     “Really, Duo? I’ll see if I can help!”

     “You have 45 seconds, Duo.” Regis said, as the counter ticked off.

     “Yeah, yeah! So anyways, Hilde. Which of these shapes has three equal sides: A circle, or a triangle?”

     There was a pause and muffled laughter from Hilde. “Duo… it’s a triangle. Circles have no sides at all.”

     “That’s what all the losers here said! It can’t be right!!”

     “But, Duo… it’s true!”

     The audience screamed out: “It’s a TRIANGLE!”

     “Please, no help from the audience!” Regis reprimanded.

     Trowa couldn’t help but snicker. Heero looked over at him, disturbed. Quatre and Wufei did the same after laughing as well.

     “10 seconds, Duo.”

     “Hilde… I think I’ve gotta go with my instinct. Sorry.”

     “Duo!!!! NOOO-” Hilde’s voice was cut off mid sentence.

     “Times up, Duo. Have you reached a decision?”

     “Yep! I’m gonna go with B! Circle.”

     The studio shook with laughing and a few groans.

     “Is that your final answer?”

     “Well, duh!” Duo looked so confident.

     Quatre sniffed a little in sympathy. Some annoying music played while

     everybody waited for Regis to announce the obvious.

     “And your answer is incorrect. Sorry, Duo. The correct answer was C. Triangle.”

     “WE TOLD YOU SO!” The audience called.

     “What? That’s impossible! This game’s rigged!” Duo stood up huffily and stormed away, cursing with every step. As he left, he noticed Trowa doubled over, laughing hysterically. The other pilots ignored Duo, all amazed by Trowa.

     “Thanks for the support pals.” Duo said sarcastically. He took the chair next to Quatre.

     “Tough luck, Duo. This game is so nerve wracking even the easiest questions seem impossible, huh?” Quatre comforted.

     “Whattaya mean, EASY? That was a hard question! The audience tricked me!

     This game is rigged! And stupid Trowa over there doesn’t help!”

     Trowa was still laughing. Wufei and Quatre started scooting away from him with freaked out looks on their faces.

     “Stop that.” Heero told Trowa. He sounded just a teeny bit creeped out.

     Trowa composed himself quickly and then looked around like nothing happened. His face was red. “What’s wrong with you guys?” Everybody looked away casually. Trowa shrugged.

     “And now for round two of quick fingers!” Regis announced chirpily. Duo folded his arms in frustration.

     “Contestants, get ready! List these bladed weapons in order of shortest in length to longest in length.

     A. Broadsword

     B. Dagger

     C. Spear

     D. Toothpick”

     The remaining contestants selected their answers. Everybody but Quatre looked confident.

     “And the replies are in! The correct order is: D. Toothpick, B. Dagger, A. Broadsword, C. Spear.” Everybody’s but Quatre’s name lit up.

     “And in the fastest time… Wufei Chang!” The audience cheered. Wufei stood ; up and spoke proudly.

     “Of course! That is my specialty after all!” Duo snorted and looked away as Wufei casually marched up to the big seat and sat down, looking Regis in the eyes. “I can tell that you are not a warrior! I will not answer questions from such a weakling!” Regis looked stunned.

     “Excuse me?” Wufei sighed. “I am obviously superior to you. I should be testing you!”

     Trowa stood up, and everybody looked at him. “Wufei, this host is very intelligent and could teach you many things! Believe me, he is worthy.”

     Wufei’s eyebrow raised slightly. “Hmm. With that recommendation… let’s see what you can teach me.”

     Regis looked at Wufei a little nervously and laughed a bit. “Okay then! On to the first question. This one’s for $100 dollars.”

     “You’ll never make it, Wufei!” Duo yelled.

     “Silence, you! You had your chance!” Wufei said without turning to face Duo.

     “Okaaay. The qestion-”

     “That wasn’t fair though!” Duo cut Regis off. “That was not a $100 question! That was at least a $32,000 question!”

     Trowa again snickered. (some kind of record)

     “Would you shut up? It is my turn now and you need to be quiet!” Wufei had turned around.

     “Ah, the question-”

     “Why should I be quiet!? This game is sooo rigged!”

     “It is not!” Wufei drew his sword. “You are just a loser!”

     “What?! You’re calling Shinigami a loser?”

     “Shinigami?!” Wufei sneered. “Why do you call yourself by that ridiculous name, anyway?”

     Duo was preparing a comeback, when Quatre started sniffling shakily. “You shouldn’t be fighting at all!”

     “Shut up, Quatre!!” Duo and Wufei said together.

     “Duo,” Trowa said, everybody silenced. They weren’t sure what to expect next from their normally stoic friend. “Do you want me to ask Catherine to use you for knife throwing practice?”

     Duo gulped and shrank back into his seat. “Heh heh. That’s okay, I’ll pass.”

     “Then quiet down. You’re ruining the whole show.”

     Heero nodded and glared at Duo icily.

     “It’s just that it’s not-”

     Trowa interrupted Duo. “Catherine…”

     Duo sulked and shut up.

     “Can we ask the question now?!!!” Regis was beginning to sound annoyed.

     “Please!” Wufei turned around in his seat and sheathed his sword. “Don’t you have bodyguards here? Not that I couldn’t take care of myself… it’s just that-”

     “The $100 dollar question is: Which of these families do spiders belong to?

     A. Canines

     B. Elasmobranch

     C. Arachnids

     D. Beetles”

     Wufei spent a couple seconds looking offended at being cut off and then smirked. “This is easy!” He shot a glance at Duo. “The answer is C. Arachnids.”

     “Is that your final answer?”

     “Yes.”

     There was that unearthly pause before Regis smiled and said, “That is absolutely correct! Congratulations, Wufei! You still have all your life-lines and have made it all the way to question number 2, for $200!”

     “I coulda answered that!” Duo moaned.

     Regis continued before the argument could resume. “What famous American astronaut first said the quote ‘One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind?’

     A. Buzz Aldran

     B. Neil Armstrong

     C. Zechs Marquise

     D. Roger Neilson”

     Wufei sat stunned. “I don’t know much about our ancient history… but I

     think I know who would! I’d like to call… as a matter of fact he’s one of the options! Zechs Marquise.”

     “You want to use your phone call life-line?” Regis repeated.

     “Yes. I’m positive.”

     “Very well! AT&T will you get Zechs on the line?” The phone rang a few times and then a woman’s voice answered officially. “Hello? Noin speaking.”

     Wufei’s eyes bulged. “What?” He rose his fists toward the ceiling. “A woman?!! GET OFF THE LINE, WOMAN!!!!” There was silence in the studio.

     “Why you ungrateful kid!” Noin’s voice reprimanded. “How dare you?”

     There was a clicking noise, and everybody knew that Noin had hung up in a fury.

     “Hmm.” Wufei looked a little sheepish.

     “It doesn’t seem your call helped too much, Wufei. What are you going to do?” Regis said a little too joyfully.

     “I’m going to use my 50/50.” Wufei heard Duo murmuring in the back.

     “Told ya!”

     “Computer, please remove two of the answers, leaving one correct and one incorrect.”

     The answers B and D were left, and Wufei looked thoroughly relieved.

     “I’m going to go with B. Neil Armstrong.”

     “That is… correct! On to question number three! You only have one life-line left, so use it wisely!”

     Things went on this way for a while. Wufei was answering questions

     easily, and made it past the $32,000 buffer. He used his last life-line before he reached the $250,000 question.

     “In A.C. 76, what famous historian discovered the technology to build a more realistic replica sky for the colonies?

     A. Sir Rico VanHousten

     B. Shawn Every

     C. Holly Goodworth

     D. Ashley Winchester”

     Wufei looked at the question in astonishment. ‘I have never heard of any of these people!’ Wufei thought desperately. “I think I’ll just quit right here.”

     Regis smiled. “You will be walking away with $125,000. The correct answer was of course A.”

     “I knew that!” Duo said from the back row.

     “Catherine will bring her knives!” Trowa warned for about the tenth time.

     Wufei bowed humbly. “You are very wise, and know many varied things. I will have to study and try again someday.” Wufei’s eyes then sparked a little. “I look forward to our future challenge.”

     Regis looked confused. “Ah… thanks.” The stagehand motioned a ten minute break in filming, and Regis went backstage. Some of the audience dispersed to stretch their legs as well.

     Wufei left the stage and sat down in his previous chair, managing to smirk at Duo.

     “Of course they gave you all the easy questions!” Duo complained.

     “What are you talking about? You couldn’t have answered any of those questions!”

     “Are you kidding? It was all so simple!”

     “Why you… I left Ultron just a few miles from here, do you want to settle this that way?”

     Quatre clenched his fists under his chin. “Why are you still fighting!?! Please stop!”

     Everybody looked at Quatre in disgust.

     “Leave them be, Quatre.” Heero muttered.

     “But we need to be friends! It’s wrong for us to be fighting.”

     “They’ll settle it.”

     Wufei and Duo argued loudly until Regis reappeared and the camera men signaled that filming would resume.

     “Welcome back to: Who wants to be a millionaire! Tonight is a special edition of: Who wants to be a millionaire! Joining us is the gundam pilots. Now we’ll play a round of quick fingers to see which one of them is up next!” The audience cheered and clapped.

     “I believe in you, Heero!” Came a familiar voice from the crowd. “I’m on your side!”

     Quatre flexed his fingers in preparation. ‘I wish I could just get this over with. It never looked so scary on TV!’

     “And here’s the question! Put these famous pacifists in the order of their births, oldest to youngest.

     A. Marshall Noventa

     B. Greg Peacecraft

     C. Relena Peacecraft

     D. Sue Alexander”

     “What the?” Heero exclaimed. “Who would know that?” Heero refused to press any buttons, afraid he would look as foolish as Duo had.

     “Okay!” Regis said cheerfully. “The correct order is: B. Greg Peacecraft, D. Sue Alexander, A. Marshall Noventa, C. Relena

     Peacecraft.” Quatre and Trowa’s name lit up. “And Quatre Raberba Winner has the fastest time for this one! Come on up, Quatre!”

     Quatre was frozen in terror. He couldn’t move a muscle. ‘It’s so scary! So, so scary.’

     “Go on Quatre.” Trowa shoved Quatre to his feet.

     “I don’t wanna! I’m scared!!”

     Trowa sighed loudly. “You can do it.”

     Quatre got the big ‘no I can’t’ eyes, but slowly walked up to the frightening chair. ‘It never looked so big on TV!’

     “Welcome to: Who wants to be a millionaire, Quatre!” Greeted the host.

     “Um… hi!” Quatre blinked nervously as a random cameraman zoomed into his face.

     “Why don’t you tell the audience a bit about yourself?”

     “Well… I’m here… to win the million… for charities! They’re great causes!” Quatre slowly gained confidence as he spoke about the charities. Two minutes passed…

     “…and they help homeless animals and stuff! They’re so nice! All of them. And once, I saw this cute kitten, and it didn’t have a home! But it got a home, because those nice people found it one, you know? So I would donate some of the money I won to them and-” “That’s great… but let’s get to the questions… okay?”

     Quatre blushed. “Oh yeah. Sure. I kinda forgot…”

     “Who could forget that?” Wufei shouted.

     “Kwah-tra, (Regis pronounced ‘Quatre’ this way) your first question: Which of these is a famous painting?

     A. Star Ocean 2

     B. Pelicans in Flight

     C. Mona Lisa

     D. Lunar Landing”

     “Oh, well that’s really easy.” Quatre smiled. “It’s C. Mona Lisa, of course!”

     “Final answer?”

     “Yeah.”

     “You’re right!”

     Quatre clapped his hands together and then looked serious. “Oh! And my name is pronounced Kaa-tra.”

     “Oh, sorry.”

     “That’s okay!”

     Quatre did well. He reached the $1,600 dollar question without losing any life-lines.

     “The $1,600 question is: During which of these time frames, was Impressionistic music most popular?

     A. 1750-1820

     B. 1820-1900

     C. 1600-1750

     D. 1880-1920”

     Quatre was deep in thought. ‘I think I know this. But what if I’m wrong?’

     “Do you need to use a life-line Kwah-tra?” Regis suggested.

     “No. I know this. And my name is Kaa-tra!”

     “Oh, sorry.”

     “The answer is D. 1880-1920.”

     “Is that your final answer?”

     Quatre rolled his eyes. “Yes.”

     The pause seemed unnaturally long. “Well you’re absolutely right!”

     Quatre sighed in relief.

     “Now on to the $3,200 question. What famous physician performed the first successful permanent eye color change?

     A. Bill Johnson

     B. Tim Wily

     C. Ashton Anchors

     D. Bobby Fisher”

     “I don’t know that… but I know who does! I’d like to use a life-line to call my sister, Iria.”

     Regis asked AT&T to make the phone call, and a girl’s voice answered.

     “Hello?”

     Quatre started talking politely. “Hello, is this Iria?”

     “No…”

     “Oh, sorry. Is this… Christina?”

     “No…”

     “Oops… I’m sorry… this is Bernice, right?”

     “No…”

     “You’ve only got 40 seconds left, Kwah-tra.” Regis sighed.

     “Well is Iria there?” Quatre spoke hurriedly.

     “Uh… yeah. Let me find her.” There were sounds over the speaker, as the

     girl called out Iria’s name, and then a new voice. “Hello?”

     “Iria?”

     “No…”

     Quatre looked exasperated. “Well who is this?”

     “Alice! Geez, Quatre… I’d think you’d know your own sister’s name!”

     “Sorry… all 28 of you kinda sound the same… but where’s Iria?”

     “20 seconds, Quatre!” Came the second reminder.

     “She’s here somewhere.” Alice said.

     “Would you please get her on the line?!?!”

     “Yeah… oh, here she is now!”

     Another new voice. “Hello?”

     “Iria… I’m on: Who wants to be milliona-”

     “I’m not Iria!”

     “What?! Maybe you guys should start wearing name tags, or something!”

     “That’s kinda rude!”

     “Sorry…”

     “Time’s up, Quatre!” Regis announced.

     “Aw. I think I’ll go with…” He thought a bit. “Or maybe…” Thought some

     more. “I’m going to go with answer A.”

     “Is that your final answer?”

     “That is really an annoying question! Of course that’s my final answer!”

     “Well you are right!”

     The questions kept coming, and Quatre answered with moderate ease. He had only used one more of his life-lines when Regis presented him with this

     question. “Which of the following means ‘four’ in Uematsu?

     A. Quatro

     B. Fienal

     C. Katra

     D. Quarente”

     Quatre looked ahead blankly. “Hmm.”

     “Do you want to use your last life-line, Kwah-tra?”

     Quatre couldn’t stand it anymore. “It’s Kaa-tra!!”

     “Is that your final answer?”

     Before Quatre stopped to think, he blurted out a ‘yes.’ “Yes! I mean…”

     “Sorry but that is incorrect…”

     “That’s not what I meant though!”

     “Don’t worry, Kaa-tra. You will be walking away with $32,000.”

     “But… but!”

     Regis handed him the check and shooed him offstage. “Congratulations.”

     Quatre sat down sadly. “Did you see that?” He asked his friends.

     Duo looked at him. “Yeah, I did notice that.”

     “Wasn’t that unfair?”

     “Yep! I mean… you’re questions were even easier than Wufei’s! It’s rigged, I tell ya!”

     Quatre slapped his forehead.

     “Too bad, Quatre.” Trowa said.

     “I could of answered those questions easy!” Duo boasted. Everybody glared at him.

     “I bet you’re next, Heero! I bet you’ll win the million, Heero!” Relena shouted. Heero thought about grabbing his gun, and making this whole experience a little easier.

     “Heero!” Quatre pointed at the gun. “Don’t do that! We’ll get kicked off the show!”

     “Good…” But he settled down anyway.

     “And now for another session of quick fingers!” Came the joyful announcement. Trowa and Heero looked at each other and sighed.

     “In which order did these pilots ride the infamous Wing Zero?”

     Heero smiled. ‘That’s my gundam!’

     “ A. Zechs Marquise

     B. Quatre Raberba Winner

     C. Officer Trent

     D. Heero Yuy”

     Heero punched buttons quickly and tried to ignore Relena’s insistent screaming. “I told you! Way to go, Heero!”

     “And the answers are… B. D. C. A.” Both Heero’s and Trowa’s names lit up. “And in the fastest time… Trowa Barton!”

     “WHAT?” Heero exclaimed. Trowa looked at him and motioned for him to be quieter.

     “How can this be?” Heero moaned.

     “Welcome to: Who wants to be a millionaire, Trowa!” Regis exclaimed.

     Trowa nodded.

     “So please tell us about yourself.”

     Trowa looked annoyed. “I work at a circus.” Regis waited for more. “And…”

     “I’m a clown.”

     Regis eyed Trowa’s hair. “Yes, I can see that. Anything else?”

     Trowa stared at Regis in exasperation. “That’s all.”

     In the back, Duo and Wufei started arguing again.

     “No! You did not know that answer!” Wufei insisted.

     “Sure I did! It was you who didn’t know!” Duo said calmly.

     “That’s not true! I made a lot more money than you!”

     “They went easy on you! They know you’re kinda dim.”

     Wufei fumed. “I’m taking this as a challenge!”

     “On to the $400 question!” Came Regis’ voice.

     “Hmm? Trowa’s already on the $400 question?” Duo wondered. “They must have skipped some!”

     “No they didn’t!” Wufei brought his sword in front of Duo’s face. “You weren’t paying attention!”

     “Cut it out you guys!” Quatre said.

     “And I suppose you were?”

     “That’s absolutely correct!” The host announced.

     “See!” Duo pointed. “Even he agrees with me.”

     “He was talking to Trowa, dimwit!” Wufei explained.

     “Who would talk to Trowa?”

     “I would!” Quatre chimed in.

     “Who asked you?” Duo and Wufei yelled.

     “On to the $6,400 question! You’re doing great, Trowa!” Trowa still had all three of his life-lines.

     “Well I would! Trowa can be interesting sometimes!” Quatre looked like he might cry.

     “Whatever!” Duo said. “Where were we?” He asked Wufei.

     “Umm… oh yeah! I just said that we should take this outside!” Wufei said.

     “No you didn’t!”

     “Yes I did!

     “No you didn’t!”

     “Who cares?”

     “I do!” Quatre whimpered. “We shouldn’t be fighting at all!”

     “Who asked you?!!” Duo and Wufei screamed.

     Heero started chuckling evilly.

     “It’s not funny!” Quatre sobbed. “This is so wrong!”

     “And that’s correct for the $64,000 question!” The audience cheered.

     “Look at that, will ya!?” Duo pounded his fist onto the arm of Wufei’s chair. “These are the easiest questions yet!”

     “Keep your hands off of my chair!” Wufei warned. “This is your last warning, Maxwell!”

     Quatre broke down in tears, and Heero laughed harder.

     “Bring it on Chinaman!”

     “I’m Japanese, you stupid American!”

     “Same difference!”

     Wufei and Duo started a growling contest.

     “Please stop!” Quatre wailed.

     “And now for your $500,000 question! All of your life-lines are still intact.”

     Quatre stopped crying and smiled. “Hey! Way to go, Trowa!”

     “Would you shut up?” Duo yelled. Quatre started crying again.

     “Now you’re just being cruel!” Wufei said.

     “What? He’s getting annoying!”

     “Not as annoying as you.”

     “And here’s the moment we’ve been waiting for!” Regis called. “The first contestant tonight to reach the $million question! Are you ready, Trowa?”

     Trowa didn’t look impressed.

     “I’m not annoying! You’re annoying!” The bickering continued.

     “Uh-uh! You’re annoying! You annoy me so much!”

     “Not as much as you annoy me!”

     “The correct answer is A.” Trowa said coolly. Duo and Wufei silenced as some of the most eerie music yet played. Quatre stopped crying again and clasped his hands together. Heero stopped laughing and concentrated on the

     stage. Regis stared at Trowa stupidly.

     “Well?” Trowa asked. “Are we just going to sit here?”

     “Is that your final answer?” Regis asked proudly.

     “ARGH!” Growled the four in the back and half the audience.

     Trowa gaped. “Yes! That’s my final answer…”

     Even eerier music played. The silence became worse than before. Quatre

     started grinding his teeth together, and even Duo was wringing his hands.

     Regis smiled. “Are you sure?”

     “GET TO IT ALREADY!” The audience and pilots yelled.

     “Yes.” Trowa said. “I’m sure.”

     Another overdramatic long silence followed that.

     “This is ridiculous!” Wufei complained.

     “I’m more nervous now than when it was my turn!” Quatre gasped.

     “What an easy question!” Duo grumbled.

     “It should have been me!” Heero growled.

     “You’re answer is…” Regis purposefully didn’t finish the sentence.

     “I’m leaving.” Trowa announced. “This is very boring.” He got up and

     walked out of the entire studio. Everybody watched with their mouths open.

     “Wait!” Regis called. But it was too late. “You’re answer was right!

     You won a million dollars! Come back!”

     There was silence.

     Duo started laughing. “This should be called: Who doesn’t want to be a millionaire!”

     Regis looked shocked. “Oh well. We have one contestant left anyway. Come on up, Heero Yuy!”

     “Go Heero!” Relena chirped.

     Heero looked a little disturbed that he was going up by default.

     “My name is Heero Yuy.” He informed when he reached the awkward seat. “It’s a pleasure.”

     “It’s nice to have you here, Heero!” Regis smiled.

     “Whatever. Let’s get to the questions… now.”

     Regis smiled nervously. ‘These guys are all weird!’

     “Now the first question is…”

     Heero brought out his gun and started cleaning it affectionately. Regis looked at it wide-eyed.

     “The answer is A.” Heero announced.

     “But you haven’t heard the question!”

     Heero shifted his eyes from the gun to the host. “The answer… is A.”

     “Um well…” Regis checked his answer card. “That answer is incorre-” Heero loaded his gun casually.

     “It’s what?”

     “Eh… absolutely correct!”

     The audience cheered. “Congratulations Heero!”

     “Wow!” Quatre laughed. “I didn’t know Heero was psychic!”

     “I don’t think that’s ESP, Quatre.” Duo informed nervously.

     “That is dishonorable.” Wufei scowled.

     “The second question-”

     “D.” Heero closed his eyes.

     “Um…”

     Heero reminded Regis of his gun by examining it closely.

     “You’re right again!”

     “Yay! Heero!” Relena was hopping around excitedly. Dorothy pulled Relena back down to the seat. “Stay calm, miss Relena.”

     And so, nobody got to hear any of the questions, and Heero kept spurting off answers with his gun backing up his decisions. Regis was sweating as the time wore on.

     “Commercial break!” Yelled a stagehand.

     Heero turned backstage threateningly. “I don’t have time for commercials.”

     “Heh heh. Sure thing.”

     “Is Heero threatening Regis with a gun?” Quatre seemed to just realize.

     “D’oh! I shoulda thought of that!” Duo looked disgusted.

     “But… that’s cheating!” Quatre looked disheartened.

     “Heero’s just used to getting what he wants.” Wufei explained.

     Another shot was heard, and Quatre could almost feel the bullet fly by his head.

     “Gulp. I’ll be quiet, Heero.” Quatre said.

     Heero, who was looking back, gun in hand, nodded.

     A little later…

     “And for the first time in this show’s history, the second contestant tonight is going to try for the million dollar question!”

     “The answer is C.”

     Regis looked disappointed. He obviously wanted to go into the question more. “Is that your final-”

     “Get to the point, Regis.” Heero’s gun was pointed at the host.

     “And you’re right again!” Regis exclaimed quickly. “You won a million dollars. Here’s your check! Now will you go peacefully?”

     Heero looked pleased with himself, accepted the check and exited gracefully.

     “Oh Heero! You’re wonderful! And so smart, too!” Relena nearly fainted…

     Duo, Quatre and Trowa were watching Quatre’s big screen presentation of: Who wants to be a millionaire special edition. Trowa was counting his million dollars with satisfaction.

     “That was so much fun, huh guys?” Quatre smiled.

     “Sure. If the game hadn’t been rigged, I’d of had a blast!” Duo conceded.

     “It was boring.” Trowa concluded.

     The TV blared the opening theme song.

     “Hey! It’s starting!” Duo edged a little closer to the TV.

     “Hey, Duo! Move over… I can’t see!” Quatre complained. Duo didn’t move.

     They watched as Regis introduced the contestants (the pilots) quietly.

     “I can’t believe how corny I looked!” Quatre wailed.

     “Ha! Wait until you see how corny you sound when you get up there!” Duo chided. “It’s hilarious!”

     “Like you sounded like a winner.” Trowa said quietly.

     “You shouldn’t be talking, Trowa. You made a complete fool of yourself!” Duo grinned. Trowa was unimpressed.

     “Duo Maxwell! In 0.5 seconds! … 0.5 seconds? Wow!” Came Regis’ voice over the TV. The three watched in amusement as Duo leapt onto the stage.

     “Boy were you excited!” Quatre mused.

     Then the part where Duo was asked his question came up and Trowa got a weird look on his face.

     “You okay, Trowa?” Quatre worried. Trowa nodded, but he looked a little strange.

     And then Duo started using his life-lines. Trowa exploded in laughter, much like his counterpart on the TV screen. Duo and Quatre looked at each other in horror. They got up and left the room.

     “That guy is really starting to creep me out.” Duo explained to Quatre after they shut the door behind them. Quatre just nodded…

     Elly: Well that’s it. I hope people think it’s funny.

     The Gundam Wing Fan: They should.

     Elly: If anything, it was fun to write!

     The Gundam Wing Fan: Yeah.

     Elly: Well, thanks for reading! All comments can be sent to

     DancingMoogle@hotmail.com

     The Gundam Wing Fan: Is there a woman reading this? Get off the internet

     woman!

     Elly: Uh… he’s kidding.

     The Gundam Wing Fan: Yeah…